I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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