Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
