At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
