Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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