but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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