You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
