you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
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It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
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I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
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