thanks...oh and i got my period
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
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Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
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There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.