My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
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Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
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driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness