i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
