Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
