so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
be right there i have to get my cape
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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