My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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