I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
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Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
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So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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