i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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