last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
