Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
