census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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