I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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