Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
You work out of a Hotel?
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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