remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
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I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize