i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
