is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
