i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
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You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
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were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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