if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
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At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
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And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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