trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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