I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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