that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
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Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
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I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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