Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
