If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
