That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
