You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
