My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
