people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
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A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
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For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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