I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
