Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
