he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
