Can Purell be used as lube?
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
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