I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
