Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
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