just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
