i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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