she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
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We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
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Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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