Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Drunk is not a location!
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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