so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
