AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
