Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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