Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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