peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
