just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
