If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
There are leaves in my underwear?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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