So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Randomize
