I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
So much rum. So many feels.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
