I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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