Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
