Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
