Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
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