you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Randomize
