she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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