I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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