what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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