yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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