She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
